Idée de progrès/oral
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Message de milli24 posté le 12-03-2017 à 11:21:46 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je vais passer mon oral du Bac; pouvez-vous m'aidez en corrigeant les fautes, s'il vous plait ?
voici mes idées pour la problmatique idée de progrès.
intro:
I am going to speak about the notion of progress. First of all, I am going to give a fast definition of the notion of progress. The progress is the development in a certain direction, he can be negative (for example the progress of the disease) or positive (for example advances in medicine).
The internet is a technological evolution; it changed the life of million persons in the world. He sets 5 years to reach 50 million users in the world. It is short compared with the radio which set 38 years. The internet collects big programs useful as Wikipedia, Google, Facebook or still eBay. The internet is more present in the North of America (78,3 %), it is normal because it is the region of the world the most moved forward at the level of the technologies.
We may wonder whether should we fear progress the internet?
First, let's see if we have to fear the Internet. Then we'll see if we have to brave the Internet. Finally, we'll make a conclusion.
I -> On the one hand, I think we need to fear internet and social networks because progress can be dangerous if not controlled or used for bad.
*The teenagers can addicted to the social networks; for example in the caricature of GLASBERGEN; some parents send an email to their children altough he is at home because his parent have not seen their children for a few days. the parents want them to turn off their computer and they want them to come down to eat. this young is addicted to his computer. The technology of social networks has led to a world full of danger related to its computers. the more time teenager spend on their computer the more they become isolate.
* In the video ... a phenomenon develops it is a cyberbullying. It is a practice of harassment and intimidation by internet. In this interview, a woman added a man to her list of friends. This man asked her to do stuff; he asked her take off her clothes. This woman felt threatened. This phenomenon has to stop.
* The internet presents other drawbacks:
-The internet can become an addiction with games and movies. We can risk the social exclusion and social isolation. Stay behind a screen of computer can favor obesity.
-Sometimes, the internet is a danger with the pedophiles and the sexual perverts. Especially for children and teenagers.
II-> On the other hand, I think we have to brave internet and social networks because progress is essential to evolve.
*In the text "Having or not having a telephone", the teenager explains to her mother that to have a telephone is good because he can communicate with her.the internet is a useful tool. The young can communicate the hour at which he arrives in the evening as well as given by these news has her mother. The young explains that sending messages to his friends lets them know to whom they must end up not to be alone. He explains that with new technology his social networks are protected by passwords.
* Internet allows persons to work at home. In fact, it is the telecommuting. It is to work at home with the technologies of information and communication. (Internet, telephone, fax)
This working mode has advantages as: no transport, choose hours of work and free time, not pay a nanny for childrens.. But it also presents inconveniences as: social rejection, no separation between home and workplace, more difficult to concentrate...
* The internet has other advantages :
-a entertainment with movies and games
-a good way of commuication. We can stay touch with our friends and family. Also, we can be made new friends
-We can shopping. It is faster
-We wan make trainnings at a distance
There can be positive aspects in the development of the internet, but there is a problem that everyone asks: Where are the limits of progress?
At the conclusion, I would say that progress is neither good nor bad. The Internet it is a good working , communication and research tool but it contains risks of cyberbullying, addiction and isolation. Even if the internet is a good way of entertainment some people are more careful than others has internet, and it is still a dangerous tool.
Je vous remercie d'avance de votre aide
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 12-03-2017 13:06
Message de milli24 posté le 12-03-2017 à 11:21:46 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je vais passer mon oral du Bac; pouvez-vous m'aidez en corrigeant les fautes, s'il vous plait ?
voici mes idées pour la problmatique idée de progrès.
intro:
I am going to speak about the notion of progress. First of all, I am going to give a fast definition of the notion of progress. The progress is the development in a certain direction, he can be negative (for example the progress of the disease) or positive (for example advances in medicine).
The internet is a technological evolution; it changed the life of million persons in the world. He sets 5 years to reach 50 million users in the world. It is short compared with the radio which set 38 years. The internet collects big programs useful as Wikipedia, Google, Facebook or still eBay. The internet is more present in the North of America (78,3 %), it is normal because it is the region of the world the most moved forward at the level of the technologies.
We may wonder whether should we fear progress the internet?
First, let's see if we have to fear the Internet. Then we'll see if we have to brave the Internet. Finally, we'll make a conclusion.
I -> On the one hand, I think we need to fear internet and social networks because progress can be dangerous if not controlled or used for bad.
*The teenagers can addicted to the social networks; for example in the caricature of GLASBERGEN; some parents send an email to their children altough he is at home because his parent have not seen their children for a few days. the parents want them to turn off their computer and they want them to come down to eat. this young is addicted to his computer. The technology of social networks has led to a world full of danger related to its computers. the more time teenager spend on their computer the more they become isolate.
* In the video ... a phenomenon develops it is a cyberbullying. It is a practice of harassment and intimidation by internet. In this interview, a woman added a man to her list of friends. This man asked her to do stuff; he asked her take off her clothes. This woman felt threatened. This phenomenon has to stop.
* The internet presents other drawbacks:
-The internet can become an addiction with games and movies. We can risk the social exclusion and social isolation. Stay behind a screen of computer can favor obesity.
-Sometimes, the internet is a danger with the pedophiles and the sexual perverts. Especially for children and teenagers.
II-> On the other hand, I think we have to brave internet and social networks because progress is essential to evolve.
*In the text "Having or not having a telephone", the teenager explains to her mother that to have a telephone is good because he can communicate with her.the internet is a useful tool. The young can communicate the hour at which he arrives in the evening as well as given by these news has her mother. The young explains that sending messages to his friends lets them know to whom they must end up not to be alone. He explains that with new technology his social networks are protected by passwords.
* Internet allows persons to work at home. In fact, it is the telecommuting. It is to work at home with the technologies of information and communication. (Internet, telephone, fax)
This working mode has advantages as: no transport, choose hours of work and free time, not pay a nanny for childrens.. But it also presents inconveniences as: social rejection, no separation between home and workplace, more difficult to concentrate...
* The internet has other advantages :
-a entertainment with movies and games
-a good way of commuication. We can stay touch with our friends and family. Also, we can be made new friends
-We can shopping. It is faster
-We wan make trainnings at a distance
There can be positive aspects in the development of the internet, but there is a problem that everyone asks: Where are the limits of progress?
At the conclusion, I would say that progress is neither good nor bad. The Internet it is a good working , communication and research tool but it contains risks of cyberbullying, addiction and isolation. Even if the internet is a good way of entertainment some people are more careful than others has internet, and it is still a dangerous tool.
Je vous remercie d'avance de votre aide
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 12-03-2017 13:06
Réponse : Idée de progrès/oral de laure95, postée le 12-03-2017 à 16:23:52 (S | E)
Bonjour,
intro:
- The (pas de the) progress is the development in a certain direction,
- he (le progrès n'est pas une personne)can be negative
- the progress of diseases: mal dit.
-The (pas de the)internet is a technological evolution;
-it (has)changed the life of million persons in the world.
-He sets (pas le bon temps + pas le bon pronom) 5 years to reach 50 million users in the world.
- It is short compared with the radio which (has)set 38 years.
- The internet
- collects big programs useful (pas à la bonne place) as (pas la bonne préposition) Wikipedia,
- The internet
- because it is the region of the world the most moved: ordre des mots.
- We may wonder whether should we (inverser we et should) fear progress the internet? (enlever le point d'interrogation)
- the Internet.
I -> or used for bad: mal dit.
*The teenagers can (be)addicted to the social networks;
- some parents send an email to their children altough he is (pluriel sujet et verbe)at home because his parent (pluriel)have not seen
- the (pas de the)parents
- to eat: mal dit.
-this Young
is addicted to his computer. - its
computers.- the more time teenager spend on their computer the more they become isolate (participe passé).
- a phenomenon develops it is (mal construit) a (pas de a)cyberbullying.
- he asked her (to)take off her clothes.
- We can risk the (pas de the)social exclusion and social isolation.
- Stay(ing) behind a screen of computer can favor obesity.
II-> The young (man)can communicate the hour at which he (pluriel)arrives in the evening as well as given by these news has
her- This working mode has advantages as (pas la bonne préposition).
- childrens.
-a Entertainment: A + MOT COMMENCANT PAR UNE CONSONNE.
-We can stay (préposition)touch with our friends and family.
- Also, we can be made new friends: mal construit.
-We can shopping: CAN + INFINITIF.
-trainnings: orthographe.
- At the (pas la bonne préposition + pas de the)conclusion,
- The Internet it is a good working: mal dit.
- the internet
- has internet: ?
Réponse : Idée de progrès/oral de milli24, postée le 13-03-2017 à 17:37:18 (S | E)
bonjour, je vous remercie pour tous ces bons conseils
we'll see if we have to brave the Internet : je voulais dire le contraire de craindre, que nous devions avoir confiance a internet et que du coup nous devions le braver.
Avez-vous d'autre suggestion a me faire ?
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-03-2017 18:21
Réponse : Idée de progrès/oral de here4u, postée le 14-03-2017 à 13:13:42 (S | E)
hello !
il est dommage de rédiger ce qui doit être un oral ... Normalement, l'introduction et les premières phrases, les articulations, suffisent...
Votre prestation doit rester naturelle. Rien de plus énervant pour un examinateur de "sentir" un travail appris par coeur ... Le risque: qu'il/elle dévie rapidement et pose des questions précises vous demandant de vous investir personnellement !
intro:
I am going to speak about the notion of progress. First of all, I am going to give a fast definition of the notion of progress. The progress is the development in a certain direction, he can be negative (for example the progress of the disease) or positive (for example advances in medicine).
The internet is a technological evolution; it changed the life of million persons in the world. He sets 5 years??? (here, you should be writing/speaking in the past!) to reach 50 million users in the world. It is short compared with the radio which set 38 years. The internet collects big programs useful as Wikipedia, Google, Facebook or still eBay.(You're mixing everything up!) The internet is more present in the North of America (78,3 %), it is normal because it is the region of the world the most moved forward at the level of the technologies.(revoir la construction de tout ce segment de phrase!)
We may wonder whether should we(ordre des mots! C'est une interrogative indirecte!) fear progress the internet?
First, let's see if we have to fear the Internet. Then we'll see if we have to brave the Internet. Finally, we'll make a conclusion.
I -> On the one hand, I think we need to fear XXX internet and social networks because progress can be dangerous if not controlled, or used for bad.
*The teenagers can addicted (il manque l'auxiliaire du passif!) to the social networks; for example in the caricature of GLASBERGEN; some parents send an email to their children altough he is (pluriel et temps!)at home because his parent have not seen their children for a few days. the parents want them to turn off their computer and they want them to come down to eat. this young= adjectif substantivé repésentant un groupe..) is addicted to his computer. The technology of social networks has led to a world full of danger related to its computers. the more time teenager spend on their computer the more they become isolate.
* In the video ... a phenomenon develops it is a cyberbullying. It is a practice of harassment and intimidation by XXX internet. In this interview, a woman added a man to her list of friends. This man asked her to do stuff; he asked her XX take off her clothes. This woman felt threatened. This phenomenon has to stop.
* The internet presents other drawbacks:
-The internet can become an addiction with games and movies. We can risk the social exclusion and social isolation. Stay = le fait de ! behind a screen of A computer can favor obesity.
-Sometimes, the internet is a danger with the pedophiles and the sexual perverts. Especially for children and teenagers.
Réponse : Idée de progrès/oral de quif, postée le 14-03-2017 à 22:19:59 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Instead of brave internet you could use
embrace internet
avail of the best of internet
or with brave you would rather say
brave the dangers of internet
Bonne chance
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