Bac/Idée de progrès
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Message de miorag posté le 31-10-2014 à 16:58:37 (S | E | F)
Bonjour!
je passe à l'oral, type Bac, la semaine prochaine. J'ai choisi la notion Idea of progress. Pouvez-vous me donner vos avis, et des conseils afin que j'améliore ma prestationsvp s'il vous plaît?
Merci pour vos réponses.
I am going to talk about the notion of progress.
First of all, I would like to give a definition of this notion. Progress is the idea that the world and the society can evolve positively. It can be defined as an improvement, a change or a development technical, scientifically or social which contributes to making the world a better place. However, it’s still debate between those who think the progress is a bad thing and those who considerate it like a good thing. So, my problematic is: “How does progress affect our society?”
In order, to illustrate this notion I have chosen 4 documents. I have chosen those documents because according to me, they show us the different points of view about the Idea of progress socially, technically and scientifically.
On the one hand, I think progress is essential for the world and the society. The article from the Washington Post, entitled “New Zealand’s prime minister wants to cut the Union Jack out of his country’s flag” published on the 20th September 2014 by Ishaan Tharoor, deals with John Key’s position about New Zealand’s flag. The Prime minister wants to replace the Union Jack by a silvery fern, which is the symbol of All Blacks, the famous New Zealand’s team of rugby. However for the defenders of the Union Jack, change New Zealand’s flag would contribute to dishonor the memory of the soldiers died for their homeland. And only a minority of kiwis wanted that their flag changes.
In my opinion, they should accept because New Zealand is independent since approximately a century, then why keep these symbols? I agree we mustn’t forget the soldiers but there are monuments for that and also, they have their independence, what I mean is if they kept New Zealand’s flag, they don’t show their independence but show that they are always with. In this situation, progress is beneficial about the development social.
Also, about the development technical, we can talk about internet. It is beneficial for the world and the society, because people can communicate with people all around the world. To illustrate my argument, I choose the film “The social networks”; it deals with the famous site: Facebook. That tells how Facebook built up itself. Facebook is a social network, established in 2004 by Mark Zuckerberg. The advantages are : it’s free, you can communicate with people far away, you can have securities parameters, you can choose your friends (it’s not as dangerous as people think), it’s up to you to manage your addiction. Of course, you have many sites like Twitter, Instagram, Skype, Linkdin, and others. In my opinion, it is incredible because before, if people wants to communicate with someone who is in another country, he have to write a letter and it took times to arrive and to leave to his sender. While now that takes a few seconds to send a message
On the other hand, progress can be a bad idea. For example, the document Scotland’s independence, which is a report, raises the problem of the future political situation in Scotland. First, the Snp ask for a referendum to get its independence from the Union. But this puts the Union under threat. Indeed, it will destroy the balance of power. However, if Scotland were to obtain independence, this would lead to many consequences political, economical, or social. I am surprised that Scotland wants his independence because economically, politically, the seats are in England. And if they obtain independence, they have to make a choice about which money they will use and establish a government: many things.
Moreover, science is essential for the progress of the world but sometimes it’s going too far. For example, I choose the document we study last year in class: the film “My sister’s keeper”. It’s about a girl, Kate who has leukemia. On the advice of their doctor, her parents conceive another child, Anna, they hope consistent with Kate so she could help him for transplants. But at the age of 11, Anna hires a lawyer to sue her parents to stop medical procedures on his person. In this movie are faced the questions of moral and ethical order, such as: can we create a child to supply a stock of new organs for another person? Do we have to take into account the will of the child to undergo invasive and very heavy operations for the recovery of his organs and a biological liquids? I think, it’s going too far. I agree for transplantation, but we can’t take a life to make another life better. It’s like the French proverb: “Undress Peter to dress Paul”.
To conclude, I’d say progress is either all good or all bad. As always, there are people who are favor or against. Progress affect our society. Socially there is the story of the world. Some people are afraid because they don’t want to change but sometimes it’s better, that is the progress and technically, there are social networks but there are advantages and consequences. Scientifically, there are the proceedings. Personally, I agree with the idea of progress, but we must respect the limit.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 01-11-2014 15:54
Merci de ne pas effacer la trace de mon passage.
Message de miorag posté le 31-10-2014 à 16:58:37 (S | E | F)
Bonjour!
je passe à l'oral, type Bac, la semaine prochaine. J'ai choisi la notion Idea of progress. Pouvez-vous me donner vos avis, et des conseils afin que j'améliore ma prestation
Merci pour vos réponses.
I am going to talk about the notion of progress.
First of all, I would like to give a definition of this notion. Progress is the idea that the world and the society can evolve positively. It can be defined as an improvement, a change or a development technical, scientifically or social which contributes to making the world a better place. However, it’s still debate between those who think the progress is a bad thing and those who considerate it like a good thing. So, my problematic is: “How does progress affect our society?”
In order, to illustrate this notion I have chosen 4 documents. I have chosen those documents because according to me, they show us the different points of view about the Idea of progress socially, technically and scientifically.
On the one hand, I think progress is essential for the world and the society. The article from the Washington Post, entitled “New Zealand’s prime minister wants to cut the Union Jack out of his country’s flag” published on the 20th September 2014 by Ishaan Tharoor, deals with John Key’s position about New Zealand’s flag. The Prime minister wants to replace the Union Jack by a silvery fern, which is the symbol of All Blacks, the famous New Zealand’s team of rugby. However for the defenders of the Union Jack, change New Zealand’s flag would contribute to dishonor the memory of the soldiers died for their homeland. And only a minority of kiwis wanted that their flag changes.
In my opinion, they should accept because New Zealand is independent since approximately a century, then why keep these symbols? I agree we mustn’t forget the soldiers but there are monuments for that and also, they have their independence, what I mean is if they kept New Zealand’s flag, they don’t show their independence but show that they are always with. In this situation, progress is beneficial about the development social.
Also, about the development technical, we can talk about internet. It is beneficial for the world and the society, because people can communicate with people all around the world. To illustrate my argument, I choose the film “The social networks”; it deals with the famous site: Facebook. That tells how Facebook built up itself. Facebook is a social network, established in 2004 by Mark Zuckerberg. The advantages are : it’s free, you can communicate with people far away, you can have securities parameters, you can choose your friends (it’s not as dangerous as people think), it’s up to you to manage your addiction. Of course, you have many sites like Twitter, Instagram, Skype, Linkdin, and others. In my opinion, it is incredible because before, if people wants to communicate with someone who is in another country, he have to write a letter and it took times to arrive and to leave to his sender. While now that takes a few seconds to send a message
On the other hand, progress can be a bad idea. For example, the document Scotland’s independence, which is a report, raises the problem of the future political situation in Scotland. First, the Snp ask for a referendum to get its independence from the Union. But this puts the Union under threat. Indeed, it will destroy the balance of power. However, if Scotland were to obtain independence, this would lead to many consequences political, economical, or social. I am surprised that Scotland wants his independence because economically, politically, the seats are in England. And if they obtain independence, they have to make a choice about which money they will use and establish a government: many things.
Moreover, science is essential for the progress of the world but sometimes it’s going too far. For example, I choose the document we study last year in class: the film “My sister’s keeper”. It’s about a girl, Kate who has leukemia. On the advice of their doctor, her parents conceive another child, Anna, they hope consistent with Kate so she could help him for transplants. But at the age of 11, Anna hires a lawyer to sue her parents to stop medical procedures on his person. In this movie are faced the questions of moral and ethical order, such as: can we create a child to supply a stock of new organs for another person? Do we have to take into account the will of the child to undergo invasive and very heavy operations for the recovery of his organs and a biological liquids? I think, it’s going too far. I agree for transplantation, but we can’t take a life to make another life better. It’s like the French proverb: “Undress Peter to dress Paul”.
To conclude, I’d say progress is either all good or all bad. As always, there are people who are favor or against. Progress affect our society. Socially there is the story of the world. Some people are afraid because they don’t want to change but sometimes it’s better, that is the progress and technically, there are social networks but there are advantages and consequences. Scientifically, there are the proceedings. Personally, I agree with the idea of progress, but we must respect the limit.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 01-11-2014 15:54
Merci de ne pas effacer la trace de mon passage.
Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de tdu6300, postée le 01-11-2014 à 14:20:07 (S | E)
Bonjour Miorag
Texte trop long, donc traité en 3 parties.
Ceci est la partie 1 sur 3.
Bleu = Erreur ou à revoir
Vert = Mes propositions
X ou XXX = Mot manquant ou ponctuation manquante
(Numéro) = Renvoi en pied de page
I am going to talk about the notion of progress.
First of all, I would like to give a definition of this notion. Progress is the idea that the world and the society can evolve positively. It can be defined as an improvement, a change or a development technical, scientifically or social(1)(2) which contributes to making the world a better place. However, it’s still debate(3) between those who think the progress is a bad thing and those who considerate(4) it like a good thing. So, my problematic is: “How does progress affect our society?”
In order,(5) to illustrate this notion I have chosen 4 documents. I have chosen those documents because according to me, they show us the different points of view about the Idea of progress socially, technically and scientifically(6).
On the(7) one hand, I think progress is essential for the world and the society. The article from the Washington Post, entitled “New Zealand’s prime minister wants to cut the Union Jack out of his country’s flag” published on the 20th September 2014 by Ishaan Tharoor, deals with John Key’s position about New Zealand’s flag. The Prime minister wants to replace the Union Jack by a silvery fern, which is the symbol of All Blacks, the famous New Zealand’s team of rugby(8). However for the defenders of the Union Jack, XXX change New Zealand’s flag would contribute to dishonor the memory of the soldiers XXX died for their homeland. And only a minority of kiwis wanted(9) that their flag changes.
(1) Ordre des mots
(2) Scientifically : Vous confondez l’adjectif et l’adverbe.
(3) Conjugaison ou faute de frappe ou oubli ?
(4) Orthographe et ou conjugaison. Il s’agit ici du verbe « considérer »
(5) Cette virgule n’a point sa place ici.
(6) Je comprends l’utilisation d’adverbes ici, mais alors il manque une virgule après « progress ». Autre solution, utilisez des adjectifs, mais à ce moment-là vous devrez les placer correctement. Pour cela, voir le point (1)
(7) « On the one hand » n’est pas incorrect. Cependant, on peut se demander laquelle. En ce qui me concerne, je préfère utiliser « on one hand » ce qui me laisse le choix de commencer par la gauche ou la droite, sans me demander laquelle est prioritaire par rapport à l’autre.
(8) Un peu lourd. En inversant les termes et en utilisant deux mots seulement, ça sonne mieux.
(9) Tout le passage concernant l’article est au présent. Pourquoi ce verbe est-il au passé ?
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Modifié par lucile83 le 01-11-2014 15:57
Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de tdu6300, postée le 01-11-2014 à 15:16:44 (S | E)
Bonjour Miorag
Texte trop long, donc traité en 3 parties.
Ceci est la partie 2 sur 3.
Bleu = Erreur ou à revoir
Vert = Mes propositions
X ou XXX = Mot manquant ou ponctuation manquante
(Numéro) = Renvoi en pied de page
In my opinion, they should accept because New Zealand is independent since approximately a century, then why keep these symbols? I agree we mustn’t forget the soldiers but there are monuments for that and also, they have their independence,(10) what I mean is if they kept(11) New Zealand’s flag, they don’t show their independence but show that they are always with(12). In this situation, progress is beneficial about(13) the development social(1).
Also, about the development technical(1), we can talk about internet.(14) It is beneficial for the world and the society, because people can communicate with people all around the world. To illustrate my argument, I choose the film “The social networks”; it deals with the famous site: Facebook. That tells how Facebook built up itself(15). Facebook is a social network, established in 2004 by Mark Zuckerberg. The(16) advantages are :(17) it’s free, you can communicate with people far away, you can have securities parameters,(18) you can choose your friends (it’s not as dangerous as people think), it’s up to you to manage your addiction. Of course, you have many sites like Twitter, Instagram, Skype, Linkdin(19), and others. In my opinion, it is incredible(20) because before, if people wants(21) to communicate with someone who is in another country, he have(22) to write a letter and it took times(23) to arrive and to leave to his sender(24). While now that takes a few seconds to send a message
(10) Remplacez la virgule par un point-virgule.
(11) Pourquoi ce verbe est-il au passé ?
(12) Incorrect. Repensez ce groupe de mots.
(13) « about » n’est pas le bon mot.
(14) Revoyez la phrase dans sa totalité, depuis "Also" jusqu'à "internet". Elle est maladroite.
(15) Facebook ne s’est pas construit « par lui-même » c’est l’œuvre d’êtres humains. Utilisez une autre tournure, d’autres mots, un autre verbe...
(16) « Les avantages » ou « Ses avantages » ?
(17) En anglais, pas d’espace entre le mot et la ponctuation qui suit.
(18) Il y a plusieurs mots. Il s’agit d’un groupe de mots. Un seul porte la marque du pluriel.
(19) Linkedin
(20) Qu’est-ce qui est incroyable ? Relisez tout votre texte à partir du « développement technique »
(21) Si vous utilisez « people » alors ce n’est pas « wants », mais « want » car c’est un pluriel. Je vous conseille donc d’utiliser un autre mot que « people » qui sera, en outre, en accord avec le passage qui commence après « in another country, ». De plus, il y a un problème de conjugaison, car ces hrase devraient être au passé puisque vous commencez par
(22) Problème de conjugaison, en lien avec le point (21)
(23) « des temps » ou « du temps » ?
(24) Pas clair. De plus, considerez la possibilité de ne faire qu'une seule phrase avec la phrase suivante, car une phrase commençant par "While" est étrange voire incorrecte.
Vous avez encore pas mal de travail, mais vous êtes sur la bonne voie. Continuez.
Réponse: Bac/Idée de progrès de tdu6300, postée le 01-11-2014 à 15:36:51 (S | E)
Bonjour Miorag
Texte trop long, donc traité en 3 parties.
Ceci est la partie 3 sur 3.
Bleu = Erreur ou à revoir
Vert = Mes propositions
X ou XXX = Mot manquant ou ponctuation manquante
(Numéro) = Renvoi en pied de page
On the other hand, progress can be a bad idea. For example, the document Scotland’s independence, which is a report, raises the problem of the future political situation in Scotland. First, the Snp ask for a referendum to get its independence from the Union. But this puts the Union under threat. Indeed, it will destroy the balance of power. However, if Scotland were to obtain independence, this would lead to many consequences political, economical, or social(1). I am surprised that Scotland wants his independence because economically, politically, the seats are in England(25). And if they obtain independence, they XXX have to make a choice about which money they will use and establish a government: many things.
Moreover, science is essential for the progress of the world but sometimes it’s going too far. For example, I choose the document we study(26) last year in class: the film “My sister’s keeper”. It’s about a girl, Kate who has leukemia. On the advice of their doctor, her parents conceive another child, Anna, they hope consistent with Kate so she could help him(27) for transplants. But at the age of 11, Anna hires a lawyer to sue her parents to stop medical procedures on his(28) person. In this movie are faced the(29) questions of moral and ethical order, such as: can we create a child to supply a stock of new organs for another person? Do we have to take into account the will of the child to undergo invasive and very heavy operations for the recovery of his organs and a(30) biological liquids? I think,(4) it’s going too far. I agree for transplantation, but we can’t take a life to make another life better. It’s like the French proverb: “Undress Peter to dress Paul”.
To conclude, I’d say progress is either all good or all bad. As always, there are people who are XXX favor or against XXX. Progress affect(31) our society. Socially there is the story of the world. Some people are afraid because they don’t want to change but sometimes it’s better, that is the progress and technically, there are social networks but there are advantages and consequences(32). Scientifically, there are the proceedings(33). Personally, I agree with the idea of progress, but we must respect the limit(34).
(1) Ordre des mots : Lien internet
(4) Orthographe et ou conjugaison. Il s’agit ici du verbe « considérer »
(25) Les sièges politiques et économiques ne se traduisent pas de la même manière. Vérifiez votre vocabulaire et par conséquent, la construction de votre phrase.
(26) Conjugaison
(27) qui est « him » ?
(28) « his » ?
(29) Lien internet
(30) Lien internet
(31) Conjugaison. Troisième personne. Ici, le progrès est considéré dans son ensemble donc singulier.
(32) Revoyez ce passage. Divisez le en plusieurs phrases pour le rendre plus compréhensible.
(33) Que voulez-vous dire ?
(34) « La limite » ? ; « Les limites » ? Laquelle? Lesquelles ?
Bavo. Très bon travail.
A vous de produire une version améliorée.
En espérant vous être utile.
Cordialement
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Modifié par lucile83 le 01-11-2014 15:57
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