Text about Food /correction
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Message de camillelorraine posté le 05-10-2014 à 10:30:58 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous!
Je suis en première et je dois rendre un travail en anglais, mais je vous avoue que j'ai un peu de mal. Pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait?
Merci beaucoup.
In our society, there're different illness, who are due at food. We'll talk Mexico's obesity problem then, we'll see a case of an anorexic girl and at last we'll watch fast food.
I) Mexico's obesity problem :
First of all, we can say that, the obesity problem is everywhere in the world and it touch, a lot of people, old men, parents and children.
But Mexico is the country where, there're the most overweight persons. Obesity has become more and more, grave in America and above all in Mexico. And it increases every day. Today, more 1/3 of people are obese in Mexico, because of a hereditary disease or because the population eats an American feeding and so they drink sodas and eat fatty food. Yes it's the country, which drinks the most sodas in the world ! The country must do a, security project, for go down statistics, because obesity is now like an epidemic. Consequently, thousands of people die, and the obese people are sometimes disapproved of people. Then, people would do sports and eat vegetables, fruits, cheese, equilibrate dish, and no always canned food, frozen food, and chips, sandwich and drink soda.
II) Who is Isabelle Caro?
It's a French girl who was anorexic, in 2007 her extremely thin body choked the public, because people saw the illness's consequences. She died at 28 years then she only weighed 24 kilos for a height of 1.65 metres. She always tried of, understand people, who did a regime, she say them, that it’s not a good idea for the health. She fought all her life when she lost her teeth and her hair. So it's horrible and she was in pain everyday and she had a very complicated childhood, because her mother didn't want that she go outside for don't take risks. She didn't have the choice, it was her fate….
It's very unfair because there're people who don’t love their body and so do big regime, they don’t eat, hate their physical, do always sport, and don’t take advantage of the life, but them, control their health they can stop regime, when they want then the anorexics can't.
III) My opinion on Fast food
Fast food are very appreciated because people want to eat fast and also because it's not expensive compared with others big restaurants. When we taste this dish (sandwich, hamburger, salad, chips and soda) people love it. But it's not good for the halth. We can eat in fast food but from time to time. Once for week or for month after it do put on weitht.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 05-10-2014 11:24
Message de camillelorraine posté le 05-10-2014 à 10:30:58 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous!
Je suis en première et je dois rendre un travail en anglais, mais je vous avoue que j'ai un peu de mal. Pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait?
Merci beaucoup.
In our society, there're different illness, who are due at food. We'll talk Mexico's obesity problem then, we'll see a case of an anorexic girl and at last we'll watch fast food.
I) Mexico's obesity problem :
First of all, we can say that, the obesity problem is everywhere in the world and it touch, a lot of people, old men, parents and children.
But Mexico is the country where, there're the most overweight persons. Obesity has become more and more, grave in America and above all in Mexico. And it increases every day. Today, more 1/3 of people are obese in Mexico, because of a hereditary disease or because the population eats an American feeding and so they drink sodas and eat fatty food. Yes it's the country, which drinks the most sodas in the world ! The country must do a, security project, for go down statistics, because obesity is now like an epidemic. Consequently, thousands of people die, and the obese people are sometimes disapproved of people. Then, people would do sports and eat vegetables, fruits, cheese, equilibrate dish, and no always canned food, frozen food, and chips, sandwich and drink soda.
II) Who is Isabelle Caro?
It's a French girl who was anorexic, in 2007 her extremely thin body choked the public, because people saw the illness's consequences. She died at 28 years then she only weighed 24 kilos for a height of 1.65 metres. She always tried of, understand people, who did a regime, she say them, that it’s not a good idea for the health. She fought all her life when she lost her teeth and her hair. So it's horrible and she was in pain everyday and she had a very complicated childhood, because her mother didn't want that she go outside for don't take risks. She didn't have the choice, it was her fate….
It's very unfair because there're people who don’t love their body and so do big regime, they don’t eat, hate their physical, do always sport, and don’t take advantage of the life, but them, control their health they can stop regime, when they want then the anorexics can't.
III) My opinion on Fast food
Fast food are very appreciated because people want to eat fast and also because it's not expensive compared with others big restaurants. When we taste this dish (sandwich, hamburger, salad, chips and soda) people love it. But it's not good for the halth. We can eat in fast food but from time to time. Once for week or for month after it do put on weitht.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-10-2014 11:24
Réponse: Text about Food /correction de hushpuppy, postée le 05-10-2014 à 16:50:47 (S | E)
Bonjour,
In our society, there're jamais une contraction avec ces mots different illness au plural, who illnesses are not people are due at autre préposition food. We'll talk ____ préposition manque Mexico's obesity problem ____ conjonction manque then, we'll see on utilise des oreilles pour écouter, pas des yeux a case of an anorexic girl and at last we'll watch des oreilles, pas des yeux fast food.
Réponse: Text about Food /correction de camillelorraine, postée le 05-10-2014 à 18:10:53 (S | E)
Merci pour tes remarques pertinentes mais, juste quand on fait un commentaire on ne dit pas nous écouterons, on dit nous verrons/nous étudierons!!!
Réponse: Text about Food /correction de lucile83, postée le 05-10-2014 à 18:16:44 (S | E)
Hello,
Ne vous basez pas sur le français pour écrire en anglais! Employez les mots exacts, ici ce serait étudier.
A vous!
Réponse: Text about Food /correction de hushpuppy, postée le 05-10-2014 à 19:30:23 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Merci pour votre avis, bien sûr qu'on utilise parfois "voir" en place d'"écouter" en anglais aussi mais pas dans le contexte que vous l'avez utilisé. J'ai vu que vous ne savez pas comment le mot devrait être utilisé alors ce serait mieux l'éviter pour le moment et utiliser "parler de", "entendre", "étudier" ou "apprendre". Je suis ici pour vous ! donc je n'essaie pas le faire trop compliqué tout de suite
Je le continuerai corriger avec le temps que j'en ai, et j'ai vu que vous avez utilisé des commas partout mais je ne vous dirai pas chaque fois que cela devrait être omit. Je vous donnerai un conseil pour ça.
I don't want to go because I feel tired. no comma because the sentence is complete and ends in a period.
Because I feel tired, incomplete, use comma I don't want to go.
"We watch fast food" veut dire "On regarde la nourriture quick."
En espérant vous aider
Réponse: Text about Food /correction de camillelorraine, postée le 05-10-2014 à 20:44:34 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour ces précieux conseils!
Bien cordialement
Réponse: Text about Food /correction de tdu6300, postée le 05-10-2014 à 21:27:47 (S | E)
Bonjour
In our society, there're (Voir les leçons sur les contractions) different illness, who are due at food. We'll talk Mexico's obesity problem then, we'll see a case of an anorexic girl and at last we'll watch (tenez compte des remarqes des précédents intervenants) fast food.
I) Mexico's obesity problem :
First of all, we can say that, the obesity problem is everywhere in the world and it touch (Verbe à la 3ème personne du singulier-Vérifiez la conjugaison), a lot of people, old men, parents and children.
But Mexico is the country where, there're (Voir les cours sur les contractions) the most overweight persons. Obesity has become more and more, grave (Trouvez un synonyme. “grave" n’est pas le bon mot ici) in America and above all in Mexico. And it increases every day. Today, more (il manque un mot) 1/3 of people are obese in Mexico, because of a (Voir les leçons sur les articles et leur utilisation quand on parle d’une situation générale) hereditary disease or because the population eats an American feeding (Revoyez cette formule) and so they (and so they signifie “et donc ils”. Vous énumérez une liste, il n’y a pas de conséquence par rapport à votre précédent propos) drink sodas and eat fatty food. Yes it's the country, which drinks the most sodas in the world ! The country must do a, security project (Ne serait-ce pas plutôt lié à la santé? que vient faire la sécurité ici?), for go down statistics, (Revoyez ce passage) because obesity is now like an epidemic. Consequently, thousands of people die, and the (Voir les leçons sur l’emploi des articles) obese people are sometimes disapproved of people. Then, people would do sports and eat vegetables, fruits, cheese, equilibrate dish (trouvez un synonyme), and not always canned food, frozen food, and chips, sandwich and drink soda.
II) Who is Isabelle Caro?
It's a French girl who was anorexic, in 2007 her extremely thin body choked (Vérifiez ce mot, ce n’est pas le bon. Celui-ci signifie s’étouffer) the public, because people saw the illness's consequences. She died at 28 years then (Ce n'est pas le bon mot et il faut le placer ailleurs dans la phrase) she only weighed 24 kilos for a height of 1.65 metres. She always tried of (of?), understand people, who did a regime, she say (Concordance des temps. Vous avez commencé au passé, vous devez continuer au passé) them, that it’s not a good idea for the health (La phrase est à revoir). She fought all her life when she lost her teeth and her hair. So it's horrible and she was in pain everyday and she had a very complicated childhood, because her mother didn't want that she go outside for don't take risks (A revoir. Et pour l’ensemble de la phrase, faites des phrases plus courtes en séparant les different sujets abordés). She didn't have the choice, it was her fate….
It's very unfair because there're (voir les leçons sur les contractions) people who don’t love their body and so do big regime, they don’t eat, hate their physical (physical what?), do always sport, and don’t take advantage of the (voir les leçons sur les articles) life, but them, control their health they can stop regime, when they want then the anorexics can't (Faites des phrases courtes en séparant les arguments. Ces phrases sont à revoir).
III) My opinion on Fast food
Fast food are very appreciated because people want to eat fast and also because it's not expensive compared with others big restaurants. When we taste this dish (sandwich, hamburger, salad, chips and soda) people love it (Revoir cette phrase). But it's not good for the (Voir les leçons sur les articles) health. We can eat in fast food but from time to time. Once for (Voir les leçons sur once) week or for month after it do put on weitht (Vérifiez l’orthographe).
Ceci devrait vous aiguiller, mais ça ne sera sans doute pas suffisant.
Bon courage
Réponse: Text about Food /correction de hushpuppy, postée le 05-10-2014 à 21:50:38 (S | E)
Bonjour, ok Part I:
I) Mexico's obesity problem :
First of all, we can say that, the obesity problem is everywhere in the world and it touch troisième personne singulier, a lot of people, autre ponctuation, sinon il semble que les suivantes ne soient pas inclues dans "people" old men, parents and children.
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Modifié par hushpuppy le 05-10-2014 21:57
Bonsoir tdu6300, désolée, j'étais en train de le corriger quand vous l'avez envoyé.
Bonsoir camillelorraine, si vous avez des questions, n’hésitez pas à les poser.
Réponse: Text about Food /correction de hushpuppy, postée le 05-10-2014 à 23:02:05 (S | E)
Ok, Part II en plus de ce que tdu6300 a fait:
II) Who is Isabelle Caro?
It's elle est une personne, pas une chose ou un animal a French girl who was anorexic, fin de la phrase in alors majuscule 2007 poncuation her extremely thin body choked __ soit un mot manque, soit un autre mot the public, because people saw the illness's consequences. She died at 28 years ___ mot manque then autre conjonction à mettre au debut de la phrase et ajouter une poncuation she only weighed 24 kilos for a height of 1.65 metres. She always tried of, autre préposition understand people, who did a regime, fin she majuscule say on veut "dire" au passé, pas "parler" them, that it’s not a good idea for the possessive health. She fought ___ préposition manque all her life when she lost her teeth and her hair. So it's horrible and she was in pain everyday and
It's very unfair because there're people who don’t love their body and so do __ article indéfini manquebig regime, fin they majuscule don’t eat, hate their physical, do always sport, and don’t take advantage of the life, je l'expliquerai en bas but them, autre pronom control their health ponctuation they can stop ___ article défini manqueregime, when they want poncuation manque then autre conjonction
Une phrase est très mal fait. Quand vous commencez avec une négative, cela continuera partout dans la phrase jusqu'à vous utilisez un autre sujet+verbe. Sinon ce serait comme : They don't eat. They don't hate their (physical). They (do) (always) sport_. They don't take advantage of (the) life because they (do) sport_.
They don't eat, ___ sujet manque hate their physical vous doivez ajouter un nom ou changer l'adjective à un nom, ___ sujet manque do autre verbe always toujours avant le verbe sport, and ___ sujet manque don't take advantage of
Bonne continuation
Réponse: Text about Food /correction de here4u, postée le 06-10-2014 à 00:33:31 (S | E)
Hello !
It's late and you've already had a lot of help ... but I noticed a few forgotten errors ...
blue = errors
green = suggestions
XXXX = omitted elements.
'In our society, there're different illness, who are due at food. We'll talk XXX Mexico's obesity problem (une autre construction serait plus usuelle) then, we'll see a case of an anorexic girl and at last we'll watch fast food XXXXXXXX.
D'accord avec les corrections proposées ... mais cette phrase me gêne :
Yes it's the country, which drinks the most sodas in the world ! (the expression is very clumsy ...)
et : obese people are sometimes disapproved of people.(De toute évidence, vous mélangez la particule adverbiale qui suit bien le passif et l'agent qui n'est, ici, pas introduit ! Etrange ...)
Comme beaucoup de travail a été fait sur les deux paragraphes suivants, je me suis concentrée sur le dernier :
III) My opinion on Fast food XXXXXXXXX
Fast food XXXXXX are very appreciated because people want to eat fast and also because it's not expensive compared with others big restaurants. When we taste this dish (menu ?)(X sandwich, X hamburger, XXXX salad, chips and soda) people love it (Revoir cette phrase)(tout à fait d'accord !). But it's not good for the health. We can eat in fast food XXXXX but only from time to time. Once for(chercher x fois par ...) week or for month after it do put on weitht .
Courage !
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