Correction/syntaxe

Correction/syntaxe
Message de lyceen5555 posté le 22-05-2014 à 18:28:21 (S | E | F)
Bonjour!

J'ai eu un dialogue à faire et le voici. Pouvez-vous me corriger pour la syntaxe s'il vous plaît?
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide!

Contexte: Nandira est une Jeune fille indienne qui veut plus de liberté. Sa famille qui est conservatrice a peur que cette dernière sorte avec des garçons. De même, Nandira craint que sa famille choississe un mari à sa place. Dans cette scène, elle dine avec sa famille.

The scenes takes place in dining room. The Patel's family having dinner.
Nandira: Mum, dad, I want to talk you about something,. This afternoon, I met Mma Ramotsowe.
Mr Patel (looking embarrased): Who ?
Nandira: Mma Ramotsove and why she is following me ?
Father: You can't understand! You are so young!
Nandira: Io want to be more independ!
Mr Patel: Firstly, who is Jack ? Are you going out with a lot of boys ?
Nandira: Jack doesn't exist!!
Mother: what do you mean ?!
Nandira; I pretended to have a boyfriend because!
Mr Patel: why ?!
Nandira: because i didn't what that my family choose a husband or husband for me.
Mother: You can't understand. You are so young !
Nandira: It's not fair!
Mr Patel: Is this teenage rebellion ?
Nandira: i fed with you! You want to control my life and choose my future!
Father: Be quiet and keep calm! I am also unhappy.
Mother: You can't blem us because this world is very dangerous.
Nandira: Why ? You are too strict!
Mr Parel: There are crazy people and gangs, dug-dealers.
Mother: The sreets are very dangerous. Do you understand that ?
Nandira. I need just more freedom. I fed with you!

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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-05-2014 19:33

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Réponse: Correction/syntaxe de here4u, postée le 22-05-2014 à 20:38:13 (S | E)
Hello !
I hope I'll help ! On this site, we don't correct your errors, but help you to correct them by yourself !
bleu = faux
vert = suggestion à la place de ...
XXX = éléments manquants.

The scenes takes place in dining room. The Patel's family having (= several mistakes!)dinner.
Nandira: Mum, dad, I want to talk XX you about something,. This afternoon, I met Mma Ramotsowe.
Mr Patel (looking embarrasXed): Who ?
Nandira: Mma Ramotsove and why she is following me ?
Father: You can't understand! You are so young!
Nandira: Io want to be more independXXX!
Mr Patel: Firstly, who is Jack ? Are you going out with a lot of boys ?
Nandira: Jack doesn't exist!!
Mother: what do you mean ?!
Nandira; I pretended to have a boyfriend because ....!
Mr Patel: why ?!
Nandira: because i didn't XXXVerb ? what that my family choose a husband or husband for me.
Mother: You can't understand. You are so young !
Nandira: It's not fair!
Mr Patel: Is this teenage rebellion ?
Nandira: iX fed XX with you! You want to control my life and choose my future!
Father: Be quiet and keep calm! I am also unhappy.
Mother: You can't blem us because this world is very dangerous.
Nandira: Why ? You are too strict!
Mr Parel: There are crazy people and gangs, dug-dealers.
Mother: The sreets are very dangerous. Do you understand that ?
Nandira. I need just(ordre des mots) more freedom. IX fed XX with you!

Allez ! Bon courage pour la correction ... (il y avait sans aucun doute d'autres arguments à développer de la part des 2 protagonistes !)

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Réponse: Correction/syntaxe de lyceen5555, postée le 22-05-2014 à 22:39:03 (S | E)
Merci!
J'ai essayé d'éliminer le plus de fautes possible...

The scenes takes place in dining room. The Patel's family had dinner.
Nandira: Mum, dad, I want to talk là j'ai cherché mais je n'ai rien trouvé....you about something,. This afternoon, I met Mma Ramotsowe.
Mr Patel (looking embarrassed): Who ?
Nandira: Mma Ramotsove and why is she following me ?
Father: You can't understand! You are so young!
Nandira: I want to be more independent!
Mr Patel: Firstly, who is Jack ? Are you going out with a lot of boys ?
Nandira: Jack doesn't exist!!
Mother: what do you mean ?!
Nandira; I pretended to have a boyfriend because ....!
Mr Patel: why ?!
Nandira: because i didn't want that my family choose a husband for me.
Mother: You can't understand. You are so young !
Nandira: It's not fair!
Mr Patel: Is this teenage rebellion ?
Nandira: I am fed up with you! You want to control my life and choose my future!
Father: Be quiet and keep calm! I am also unhappy.
Mother: You can't blam us because this world is very dangerous.
Nandira: Why ? You are too strict!
Mr Parel: There are crazy people and gangs, drug-dealers.
Mother: The sreets are very dangerous. Do you understand that ?
Nandira. I just need(ordre des mots) more freedom. I am fed up with you!

J'ai besoin un peu d'aide pour les didascalies.... Merci!

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Modifié par lyceen5555 le 22-05-2014 22:41

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Réponse: Correction/syntaxe de here4u, postée le 26-05-2014 à 00:32:01 (S | E)
Hello again ! Sorry ... I was out and at a concert ...

The scenes takes place inXXXdining room. The Patels 's family had(l'action a lieu au moment où l'on parle ... quel est le temps ?) dinner.
Nandira: Mum, dad, I want to talk là j'ai cherché mais je n'ai rien trouvé.... TO(C'est dans n'importe quel dictionnaire !) you about something,. This afternoon, I met Mma Ramotsowe.
Mr Patel (looking embarrassed): Who ?
Nandira: Mma Ramotsove and why is she following me ?
Father: You can't understand! You are so young!
Nandira: I want to be more independent!(Il faudrait par une phrase nous mettre au courant que Mma R a parlé de Jack ...là; il arrive comme un cheveu sur la soupe !)
Mr Patel: Firstly, who is Jack ? Are you going out with a lot of boys ?
Nandira: Jack doesn't exist!!
Mother: what do you mean ?!
Nandira; I pretended to have a boyfriend because ....!
Mr Patel: why ?!
Nandira: because i didn't want that (comment se construit le verbe to want ??? )my family choose a husband for me.
Mother: You can't understand. You are so young !(Speak about traditions ... respect of her culture and habits))
Nandira: It's not fair!
Mr Patel: Is this teenage rebellion ?
Nandira: I am fed up with you! You want to control my life and choose my future!
Father: Be quiet and keep calm! I am also unhappy.(why ?)
Mother: You can't blamE us because??? (for ? the danger of this world ?I don't really understand what you mean ...) this world is very dangerous.
Nandira: Why ? You are too strict!
Mr Parel: There are crazy people and gangs, drug-dealers.
Mother: The sreets are very dangerous. Do you understand that ?
Nandira. I just need more freedom. I am fed up with you!

(In what country does the scene takes place ? in India, GB or the US ? This changes everything ...
Why is N angry ? (comparison with her friends ? We need allusions to the Indian culture to show what the teenager rejects ... the anger of the mother who can't understand ...)

Il ne faut pas avoir peur de dire ce qui semble évident mais est en fait un clash de culture et de générations ... Courage.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-05-2014 07:44
Bug couleur réparé.

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