Correction/ rédaction dreams
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Message de lea10 posté le 22-09-2013 à 12:27:37 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
voici une rédaction que je devais faire, pouvez vous m'indiquer mes fautes, et si vous avez d'autres conseils, je suis preneuse.
Le sujet : Is it possible to reconcile your dreams with a professional life ? (150 words)
Since childhood, we all have dreams, attainable or not. When we grow up, we have obligations, like have a job. Is it possible to reconcile your dreams with a professional life ?
Firstly, we can find a job in relation with our dreams. Indeed, we chose our studies and, therefore, our work. Let us take the example of a singer : It's someone who work and, at the same time, realize his dreams. It's the same case for sportsmen, painters or musicians.
Moreover, have dreams can motivate someone to work. Of course, have a job spend a lot of time but if we organize appropriately our life, we can do something after work. For instance, almost people works about twenty-five hours in a week, so there is still time for hobbies.
To conclude, it's possible to reconcile our dreams with a professional life either by finding a job in relation with our dreams or by organizing our life to find time.
Merci d'avance.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-09-2013 12:45
Message de lea10 posté le 22-09-2013 à 12:27:37 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
voici une rédaction que je devais faire, pouvez vous m'indiquer mes fautes, et si vous avez d'autres conseils, je suis preneuse.
Le sujet : Is it possible to reconcile your dreams with a professional life ? (150 words)
Since childhood, we all have dreams, attainable or not. When we grow up, we have obligations, like have a job. Is it possible to reconcile your dreams with a professional life ?
Firstly, we can find a job in relation with our dreams. Indeed, we chose our studies and, therefore, our work. Let us take the example of a singer : It's someone who work and, at the same time, realize his dreams. It's the same case for sportsmen, painters or musicians.
Moreover, have dreams can motivate someone to work. Of course, have a job spend a lot of time but if we organize appropriately our life, we can do something after work. For instance, almost people works about twenty-five hours in a week, so there is still time for hobbies.
To conclude, it's possible to reconcile our dreams with a professional life either by finding a job in relation with our dreams or by organizing our life to find time.
Merci d'avance.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 22-09-2013 12:45
Réponse: Correction/ rédaction dreams de violet91, postée le 22-09-2013 à 14:23:40 (S | E)
Hello ,
Déjà corriger le temps qu'enclenche votre ' since ' . Puis , les présents simples à la 3ème personne du singulier : + s ou es ! Utiliser des gérondifs ' having a job ' ...
Il faudrait peut - être se montrer moins optimiste quant au choix d'études et de métier . Tout faire pour choisir et réussir ses études vers un métier qui plaise .
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