Writing correction/help

Writing correction/help
Message from patricien posted on 29-01-2024 at 18:35:53 (D | E | F)
Hello everyone,
it's me - a peasant who works hard on his linguistic field. I just wrote an article relating to the advantages and disadvantages of people living and working in multicultural environment.
So I need your aid for my writing.
Thank you in advance!

In the modern world, the interference of different cultures happened in some human communities in which individuals with cultural difference work and live together. In most of patterns of multi-cultural areas, the advantages that the cultural mixture brings to society are beneficial for the community development, though some drawbacks of various cultures remain until today.
Firstly, working and living in areas with the culture difference provide people understand and learn more about many natures of each cultural background. As a result, the fact that an environment having a diversity in culture would create individuals having the flexibility in behavior presenting, which help them treat with others in the way more appropriately, thereby contributing to the social security and cultural tolerance.
Secondly, individuals of different cultures would make potential workforce since they can support mutually based on the advantages of each cultural community, For example, many sectors of them can be exchanged such as traditional gastronomy, artisanal techniques, agricultural products, goods… Besides that, the cultural difference in communities living in the same area makes opportunities for tourist and local economic development, by doing traditional celebrations and marketing events during celebrated festivals.
However, it would be disaster if the promise didn’t achieve between different cultural populaces. In fact, there are many conflicts happened, caused by the inequality about governmental policies, the intolerance in cultural difference and religious backgrounds.
In conclusion, it is clear that the advantages of multi-cultural society which provide individuals a broadened view about the human being. Furthermore, the cultural diversity aids people live and work more efficiently in the world having many cultural flows. Although there are still some inconveniences of multi-cultural conflict, I advocate for the community with culture difference.

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Re: Writing correction/help from gerondif, posted on 30-01-2024 at 12:20:17 (D | E)
Hello
In the modern world, the interference of different cultures happened (we can see an interference between different cultures) in some human communities in which individuals with cultural difference work and live together. In most of patterns of multi-cultural areas, the advantages that the cultural mixture brings to society are beneficial for the community development, though some drawbacks of (due to) various cultures remain (can still be seen) until today (to the present day, nowadays).

Firstly, working and living in areas with the a culture difference provide people understand and learn (wrong pattern ! helps people to understand, makes them understand, allows them to undertand, makes it easier for them to understand) more about many natures (about the various aspects, about the numerous natures) of each cultural background. As a result, the fact that an environment having a diversity in culture would (will) create individuals having the flexibility in behavior presenting which will help them treat with others in the way more appropriately, (in a more appropriate way), thereby contributing to the social security and cultural tolerance. (you lost your way in that interminable sentence, the final verb is missing, unless I replace which by will, in which case we bell back on the verb of the main clause)

Secondly, individuals of (with/from) different cultures would make (will provide a) potential workforce since they can support mutually each other, based on the advantages of each cultural community, For example, many sectors of them (clumsy way of saying it) can be exchanged such as traditional gastronomy, artisanal techniques, agricultural products, goods… Besides that, the cultural difference in communities living in the same area makes opportunities for touristic and local economic development, by doing traditional celebrations and marketing events during celebrated festivals.

However, it would be a disaster if the promise didn’t achieve (wrong pattern if the promise wasn't achieved, wasn't realized, didn't come true) between different cultural populaces (populaces can be pejorative). In fact, there are many conflicts happened, caused by the inequality about (the unfairness of ??) governmental policies, the intolerance in cultural differences and religious backgrounds.
In conclusion, it is clear that the advantages of a multi-cultural society which provides individuals with a broadened view about the human being .... ??? (there again, there is no verb to fall back on, the main clause is never finished !). Furthermore, the cultural diversity aids (clumsy and wrong pattern) people live and work more efficiently in the a world having with many cultural flows. Although there are still some inconveniences of due to multi-cultural conflict, I advocate for the a community with culture difference.

In a text like this with abstract and sometimes obscure or not immediately understandable concepts, shorter sentences would be welcome. You yourself lost your way in two sentences where the main clause was never finished, its main verb missing.

For example, reading your text last night, I understood nothing and stopped before reaching the end. I didn't feel like carrying on. I got into it more easily today.

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Re: Writing correction/help from patricien, posted on 07-02-2024 at 16:38:48 (D | E)
Thanks for your meticulous correction!

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